After giving birth, I cried for ten days straight. I was either in pain, exhausted from a sleepless night, or simply overwhelmed. Having a baby is such a beautiful experience, but as a first time mom, I saw how life drastically changed and my newfound responsibilities quickly became overwhelming—even with the support I was receiving. It took me a long while before I started “feeling” like myself again.
During my pregnancy, one thing my husband continuously prayed over was my mind. I did not want to fall into postpartum depression and before we left for the hospital, my husband told me “babe, you can choose the thoughts that you agree with.” Yes, there’ll be things that I feel, and hormone fluctuations that I cannot always explain, but I will still be in control of my mind, and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I will overcome the challenges of postpartum.
Here are three things my husband did that made a big difference in supporting my mental health:
1. He Never Stopped Praying Over My Mind
From the moment I found out I was pregnant, my husband witnessed the mental battles I fought, the faith I developed, and the growing body that brought various aches and pains. I felt like I was constantly fighting anxious thoughts and working to protect my peace, and he never stopped interceding on my behalf to have a sound mind (See 2 Timothy 1:7). If you’ve been following this Mommy Monday series, you know how I’ve shared that my pregnancy wasn’t planned. So I dealt with a lot of doubt about my ability to even be a mom. I did not think I had lived long enough to mother a child, nor did I feel equipped to mother a child. But thank God for a praying husband who carries a vision bigger than my thinking. A husband who speaks life into you and prophesies over your future; A husband who knocks on Heavens doors and never stops knocking until God answers. That is my husband and I am so grateful for his life and leadership in our family.
During my pregnancy, I never hesitated to say “hey babe, I need prayer,” or express the bad dreams I would have, or the concerning reports from my prenatal appointments. Even while recovering from childbirth those initial weeks, I would turn over to him and whisper or cry “babe please pray for me.” James 5:16 (NLT) says Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. I can truly testify that the prayers of my husband produced wonderful results to overcome the challenges pregnancy and postpartum had on my mental health.
2. He Actually Listened—Like, Actively Listened
In any relationship, it is so valuable to have someone who can be a listening ear for you. For someone who is not much of a talker, when I do have something to say and a lot to say at once, my husband listens. Over the course of our relationship he has learned to be a better, more active listener and by the grace of God He’s also learned to listen to what I’m not saying. He’s learned to ask me key questions that shift my perspective to see how God sees things. He catches my blind spots—especially when I’m struggling to admit doubts I’m having about God and I really appreciate that. There was one instance when I was really concerned about the state of my pregnancy because I was seeing the signs of a miscarriage. Deep down I thought to myself “there’s no way I’m losing this baby,” but at the same time I was seeing the exact signs that I could actually be losing my child. During those moments my husband would listen to my concerns and some days he’d tell me to stop talking (because words have power and he was pushing me to trust God more) and other days he wouldn’t say anything and would just give me a hug or ask how he could help. Sometimes all I needed was a listening ear and his willingness to offer one made me feel less alone as my due date approached.
3. He Pushed Me to Go Outside and Find a Hobby
I’ve come to learn that there is a unique joy when moms do something they love beyond caretaking. There was a period when my husband practically even begged me to find a hobby. To this day I haven’t found a consistent hobby (beyond reading and writing), but I have developed a routine of having outlets that allow me to be free, have fun, and turn off my mom brain—all of which are very important as you strengthen the wellness of your mental health as a mom. When I had rough days, my husband would tell me to go outside or he would suggest we go on a family walk. I’ve always enjoyed nature walks, and when I first had my son, I enjoyed them even more. There’s something special about what sunlight does for the human body.
Final Reflections
If I could go back to those first weeks of postpartum, I would tell myself “you’re going to be okay. God is taking care of you and your baby.” I would listen to Psalms 23 audibly and repeat Isaiah 46:4 over me. I would practice breathing exercises much more and call my close friends more to make me laugh. I would still go on my mall runs because retail therapy is a real thing, and I would still cry out like Blind Bartimaeus did in the Bible when he needed healing (see Mark 10:46-52), because Jesus is a bespoke healer and He understands every difficult situation I faced in postpartum that I did not always have the language to utter (see Hebrews 4:14-16).
To the soon-to-be mom reading this, or the one in the thick of postpartum, or even the mom who is just plain tired: God sees you, He hears you, and He’s right there available to carry each and every burden and cry that others simply don’t understand. To the soon-to-be dads and fathers: God sees you too and I pray He gives you unique strength and understanding for your fatherhood journey. I’d be remiss if I did not mention the value in seeking professional help, I started therapy a few months ago and it’s been the best decision for my life and family. Please don’t neglect your mental health, and if you are having a mental health crisis please utilize the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
There’s a line of a hymn that I’d like to close out with: Jesus knows all about our struggles, He will guide till the day is done, there’s not a friend like the lowly Jesus, no not one, no not one.
This blog post is the last piece of the “Mommy Mondays” blog series, you can find the rest of the series in my “blog” tab and don’t forget to subscribe!
Until next time,
Beautyoluwa
Leave a Reply