In the Trenches Together: The Power of Mommy Friends

I remember jumping for joy in the church hallway when Taiwo and I found out we were both pregnant and due in February. Our babies were going to be three weeks apart. We had our gender reveals, found out the sex of our babies, and then we jokingly asked each other “do you want to switch?” She wanted a boy, and I wanted a girl, but we both got the opposite of what we initially desired. A few months passed and then I found out there was another February Mama: Bukky. This however wasn’t her first baby, and since we didn’t know each other that well, I just remember thinking “oh cool, we’re due around the same time.” Unbeknownst to me, Bukky and I would have contractions at the same time and have babies who are just one day a part. This is the origin story of the February Mamas.

A month before we were all due, I proposed that we come together and pray weekly leading up to our due dates. What I thought would simply be a prayer journey together, turned into a sisterhood and now our babies can grow bonds just like we have. We’ve had many playdates, celebrated our babies first birthdays, Mother’s Day, and as the title states: we’ve been in the trenches together through it all.

The beginning of motherhood is very interesting. You’re practically a milk-making machine, you’re managing little-to-maybe-no sleep, and you still have to eventually return to work and balance living your own life too. Not having the right supportive people around you can be costly. Costly to your sanity, wellbeing, and even the health of your child. But if you do have the right people supporting you, hold them very close. 

My “people,” are the February mamas. They have been an anchor during troubling seasons, encouragers, and confidants in the place of prayer.  I genuinely believe they are God’s gift to me. My son wasn’t planned and so when I found out I was pregnant—months after I just got married and finished graduate school—I felt very lonely. People my age were not yet moms. I didn’t have examples to look up to, or someone close in age to seek advice from. So knowing that I would have other moms to walk with me lightened the load of what I felt would be a very daunting journey.

Motherhood has many beautiful seasons, but it also has some very deep and low trenches. To name a few: sleep deprivation, breastfeeding challenges, pumping marathons, time poverty, mom guilt (the list truly can go on). When you have mommy friends who can help you survive those trenches, it empowers you to keep going. They see what others don’t, and understand what others can only give a listening ear towards. There have been times when my milk supply ran low and I was struggling to pump. Taiwo and Bukky would offer so much help and tips.  And times when I felt overwhelmed and did not know how to communicate my needs to ask for help, Taiwo and Bukky would offer suggestions on what to do to help me get through the tough days.

My son fell sick some time ago and he caught the most ugliest disease name I’ve ever heard, “hand-foot-and-mouth” (HFMD) disease. Doesn’t the name itself sound disgusting? Imagine having to see it and treat it. Anywho, when he caught it, I was heartbroken. In seasons when your child is sick, you realize that as much as you want to sacrifice your own life for their wellbeing, only God has the healing power over their bodies. And when you may be too weak or too tired to pray, having friends stand in the gap to intercede both for the health of your child, and strength for your body to take care of your child is profound. Taiwo and Bukky prayed with me, and kept my son in prayer too. Within a few days he was back to his normal, energetic self. Thank God! It’s times like these when you truly appreciate the power and support of having mommy friends, because they just get it. The hashtag “if you know, you know” (#IYKYK) could never be more fitting!

When I think of friendships in motherhood, I think of a community of moms who have shared experiences that allow them to support one another (see Finding Community in Motherhood for further reading). But when I think of godly motherhood friendships, I think of powerhouses. I think of Psalms 144:12, which says “May our sons flourish in their youth like well-nurtured plants. May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace.” Pillars hold things up, they are built to be strong. The metaphor of “graceful pillars” illustrates strong women who are full of grace to be strongholds, powerhouses, and so much more. The February Mamas are just that. They are full of an encouraging word when I have none to give myself, they are soundboards when I need voices of reason, and they are gift givers who never stop giving. When our children grow older, I look forward to sharing stories like these of how we originated and how we became graceful pillars for our homes and our motherhood journeys.

This blog post is a continuation of the “Mommy Mondays” blog series, where I highlight different reflections of motherhood leading up to Mother’s Day. Stay tuned for the last post of the series next week!

Until next time,

Beautyoluwa