One month ago today, my then-boyfriend and now-fiancé, proposed. Many people have asked me how it feels to be engaged and my response always is: “it feels the same.” There’s just now a heavy rock on my finger that symbolizes our love and union.
I first gave Mayowa my “yes” early last year when we started courting, and I meant that as a continuous and final “yes” that I would keep saying in faith of one day getting married. I was definitely shocked that he chose that day to propose and how he orchestrated it so well…but I wasn’t shocked that he actually proposed. I knew that man wanted to marry me eventually *inserts smirk wink.*
It was a Sunday afternoon and two weeks prior, our mutual friend reached out to me that he wanted my help in getting his girlfriend to a surprise birthday party that he was planning for her. If you know me, you know I love surprises. So I was super excited and started thinking of ways I would get her there. It took me two days to come up with an idea but I suggested to him that I would essentially create a fake dinner event and have her think we were meeting our boyfriends at the dinner with other couples. I created a whole flyer and Paperless Post y’all! When I say I had a plan, I had a plan down to the T.
October 17th came and after church the plan was to get our nails done and be on our way to the fake dinner. She had noooo clue—at least in my head she didn’t. Low and behold sis knew what was going on and was actually the one surprising me. Anyways, we got our nails done, grabbed a bite at Panera Bread (to stall), and then went on our way. I parked far away from the location so that she wouldn’t possibly see any of her friends who were walking into her surprise party, but sadly, we then got lost. Can you imagine?! We were walking up and down the streets of Baltimore city with really cute heels, but painful feet. I was low-key frustrated at how I was almost fumbling this plan.
When we finally got to the location, she shouted “oh we’re here!” and she quickly opened the door and entered the room. As she walked through, I started to get nervous. It was MY job to go in first and quickly prep everyone to be ready and scream “surprise.” But when we walked in, it was silent. I started seeing familiar faces. Friends I made in high school, and then church, and then my parents. So, I was SO confused. Then two seconds later, the videographer, who I didn’t even realize was our friend, moved a little and that’s when I saw my boyfriend at the end of the aisle all dressed up and fancy.
“Hunhhhh?” “Wait…how?” That was my immediate expression before tears began to fill my eyes. I was literally shocked out of my life y’all. I promise it was only the strength of the Holy Spirit that was holding me up because my legs started to shake, lol. But as I walked down the aisle, my nerves began to calm as I finally reached the hands of my best friend.
Long story short, my now-fiancé proposed and I gave him a heavy-nodding and resounding “yes!” I trust that the God who has brought us this far will keep us until the end in Jesus name.
But hold up. If you’ve made it this far, keep reading! The story of my engagement isn’t the point of this blog post.
The point of this post is to express that even peak milestones that we look forward to and achieve, don’t always give us that satisfaction we’re looking for. Ultimately, only our Creator can satisfy us. When people ask me, “how does it feel to be engaged?” and I reply “it feels the same,” they’re shocked. This just reminds me of how much weight we put on certain milestones and although they are reasons to have joy, they will never fully satisfy us overtime.
I really thought there would be a new level unlocked once I got engaged, but my feelings have generally remained the same as when I was courting—don’t get me wrong, things are great, but there isn’t this euphoric feeling of “oh I’m a fiancée now.” Rather, there’s this feeling I’ve always felt that still remains: “oh I’m doing life with my best friend for life, through courtship, through engagement, and then through marriage.”
So if you’re looking forward to that day a man gets on one knee and proposes, or that day your future wife gives you her yes, keep hoping and keep having faith. But most importantly, find rest in Christ first, knowing that even when that time comes, only He can satisfy all the longings and expectations that we’ll continue to have on this journey of life.
Let me leave you with these two scriptures:
1 John 2:16-17:
“For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.”
John 4: 13-14:
“Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”
Hey Ewa
Wow this is so good. Personally I think I held milestones as this big thing that would bring me a level of satisfaction to the point where I made them idols 🥴. But, what you said is so beautiful. Ultimately, true satisfaction is found in Jesus.